The maid of honor just puked.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You can't special order awesome
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
