There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
