did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
as a side note pls kill me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
