i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
