Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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