ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
