Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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