brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
