Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We had to coat check the pizza.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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