i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
