before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
