I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
