too bad you live with your parents still
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Ketchup is God's man juice
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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