My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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