If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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