I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
