Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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