i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
