I'm really into asian looking animals
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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