Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
