forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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