I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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