Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
