You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
