Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
