At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
