I accidentally burped into my bong.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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