I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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