I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
