Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize