You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
