i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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