There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize