he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
