Christians are straight up FREAKS
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
