What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
