sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Someone signed my nipple.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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