he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
