I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
is wine microwaveable?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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