The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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