when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
