Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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