Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
