Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
