Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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