Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
