How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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