if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
