I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
