I should be sponsored by Trojan
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You left your phone here
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