If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
