I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
