No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Michael Bay diarrhea
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
