atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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