Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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