Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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