I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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