fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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