I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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