Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
