I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
