okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
