I want to have your abortion
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
