Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
