Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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